Friday, March 29, 2013

How can teens confuse love, sex, and rape?

Think back: In how many "romances" does the "hero" "ravage" the damsel? How many shows have you seen where sex replaces intimacy? It's nothing new: Do you remember Ayn Rand's Fountainhead when the hero wordlessly "takes" the woman? We've been conditioned to imagine that these meaningless encounters are a basis for a mutually ecstatic ongoing coupleship.

American culture has long lauded sex-saturated exploits and encouraged boys to "prove" their manhood. For decades, girls were divided into "good" and "easy" but lately even that distinction has eroded under the assault of sexting and picking a partner to "get it over with". Even preteens now wear too-revealing "fashions" and watch their popstar icons posture provocatively and avidly follow their inappropriate escapades.

By presenting so much visual stimulation while failing to support realistic self-awareness, Society has created an irresponsible environment in which teens have no basis to distinguish love from sex – or even to recognize rape.
support education to StopRapeCulture at http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/632/603/609/
Rape statistics are just the tip of reality.
There's a great ambivalence in every nascent attraction, and when we have no basis for evaluating the pros and cons of desire and concern, pressure often trumps prudence. It isn't even always outside pressure since the insidious foundation of sexualized socialization has instilled a faulty sense of precaution.

As a result of society's inconsistent presentation of sex (from blatant visuals to uncomfortable silence), teens often have no basis for considering whether sex is appropriate, and many adults have little more foundation for making their sexual choices. Here's a cheat sheet for precautionary guidance to help you distinguish sex from its counterparts:
If you're thinking about what others would say if you don't: it isn't love.
If you're thinking about what others would say if you do: it isn't love.
If you're thinking about what your partner would say if you don't: it isn't love.
If you're thinking about what your partner would say if you do: it isn't love.
If you're thinking about shoulds: it isn't love.
If you're thinking about shouldn'ts: it isn't love.
If you're not thinking: it isn't love.
If you're thinking, what you're thinking is important, but even so, appropriate thought isn't enough for it to be love: coupleship love requires mutuality, respect, and connective interaction.

If it isn't love, don't bother doing it because sex without love can never be a basis for mutually ecstatic ongoing coupleship, which is so far superior to anything less that getting stuck in a relationship based on just sex will never truly fullfill you.

And if it isn't a relationship (ie it is one person dominating the other into bodily coupling), that's rape.
Rape can be by violence, but rape can also be by intimidation, manipulation, domineering, trickery, or anything other than conscious mutual choice. If you're not talking together about making a wise choice, don't do it. Sex should never be a don't ask, don't tell furtive encounter.

Sex without conscious mutual choice is rape. Sex without love or respect is a bodily function. Sex in a respectful, mutually connective relationship has the potential for love. Sex in a mutually connective loving relationship has the potential for true intimacy. Sex in a mutually connective, lovingly intimate relationship has the potential to become a mutually ecstatic ongoing coupleship. A mutually ecstatic ongoing intimate coupleship is the best you can aspire to.

When we are ignorant of the possibilities, we fail to live up to our full potential. As long as we are leaving it to teens to imagine love from a foundation of sexualized socialization, sex will dominate their thinking. Education is the only way to create awareness and stop this perversion of ignorance from overshadowing – and harming – future generations.

 
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