Friday, December 30, 2011

Why is it hard to be intimate – even with ourselves?

In the normal course of events, we so carefully stuff our thoughts and feelings away behind protective social personas, we forget there is any reality hidden within. After years carefully constructing and reinforcing our social façade, we rarely encounter let alone explore the little reflective inmost core that reveals who we are at essence. If we do happen to notice a discrepancy between the focus of the world outside and our singular inner point of view, it seems like a secret we must guard against as if our personal preferences are unexposable truths the world isn't ready to understand. To feel safe and socially accepted, we often deny our distinctions even to ourselves.

After years learning how to be the person our parents, families, friends, teachers, institutions, community, and society in general want us to be, we end up someone other than the reflection of our deep innermost yearnings. We learn to value the commonly accepted societal norms. We make choices based on others' preferences. We live the life we are expected to want – or suffer the anguish of settling for even less.

When we're busy projecting a satisfied face to the world – or working hard to improve our appearances – we have little inclination for any real self-evaluation. Without awareness of our innermost essential core, we appraise life by social standards and invariably find ourselves lacking.

The harder we strive to measure up in the world, the more we notice the disparity of our position from "real" success. We are never enough.

From that deficient perspective, we are never surprised to feel heartfelt unrest. Gazing outward, we can see only too clearly how far we have to climb, and with that external focus, we fail completely to make any progress.

At this time of year-end assessments, as we're busy setting our resolutions and upcoming goals, we miss the opportunity, time and again, to move out of the cycle. Whether what we're missing is the prestige of power and position, the demonstrable accouterments of wealth, or even the fulfillment of individual or coupleship passion, the success that we seek will remain illusive as long as we are steering our course toward an external objective. As long as we base our choices on that misguided standard, we'll succeed only at fully filling life with dissatisfaction, conflict, and stress.

Instead, we could become aware of a better basis for our upcoming choices. By searching intimately deep within, we can recognize the heartfelt ideals we value at our core of being. It is only with that insightful perspective that we can fully fill our lives with happiness and satisfying fulfillment.

  Join me in 2012 to explore Life Wisdom for  Better Choices
 in the happy pursuit of CommonUnity with all you yearn for.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are right on point here with this Wonder. How can we really uncover our most inner "real" self without stripping away the layers of socialy imposed messages that we were fed along our life path. To grow we must cleanse our minds of thoughts that are "untruths" limiting progress.