Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Why does coupleship passion fail?

The transcendent bliss or ecstasy of peaking passion feels totally fulfilling. It is a synergistic fusion of our energies in one ideally unitive purpose. In coupleship, we often feel this in sexual union and associate the feeling with the intense release of orgasm, but in actuality neither sex nor release is essential to the experience of passionate bliss.

However, when you're yearning for that energetic boost that passion provides but you have no idea what yields that added urge for fulfillment, you try to replicate it in the one consuming behavior that transcended the rest for you. Most often in coupleship, we think that sex is the answer.  Sadly, this is not just futile but counterproductive.

As we try and fail to maintain that ecstatic level of passionate union, our efforts dwindle. Without realizing what we are doing, we diminish the very behaviors that led to the level of true intimacy and shared purpose that enabled the fullfilling buildup of our united energies. We spend less and less time and attention on each other, and we wonder what happened to the intensity of our love.

Spending less shared time with your beloved, your focus and attention redirect elsewhere, and the passion of romance inevitably suffers. Clueless why the passion built or peaked or failed, we write off the love and go on to another, or if we have already committed to the coupleship, we endure and lapse into the comforts of familiarity without expecting the more ecstatic bliss of the lost romance. We may still yearn for passion, but we think the excitement is gone from the coupleship and we lower our expectations further.

After a disappointing lull, we give up on reviving the coupleship and direct our attempts to find fulfillment in other ways. Those resigned to their passionless lives turn to poor substitutes like workaholism, shopping, eating, even working out. If we're lucky, we may plunge our heartfelt energy into a cause, but most often, our efforts are shadows of the passion we remember and long for yet at heart. We think this is just the way of life.

Or, craving the old excitement, we think any exciting behavior may suffice. Risky behaviors of all sorts often seem the most alluring because they promise that tingle of uncertainty, forcing you to commit more of your focus, attention, and energy to the activity. Extreme sports, motorcycle racing, supersonic flight, all provide that extra thrill. Sadly, so do sneaky addictions like shoplifting, secret overeating, binge drinking, using drugs, and the chancy affairs of illicit sex.

In a society that gives no acknowledgement let alone informed direction to passion's attraction, it's no wonder teens make bad choices, middle aged crises regularly disrupt families, and addictions abound.
 
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